Category Archives: Hawaii Traffic

Hawaii Truck Drivers Score Lowest In Reading

KALAELOA, OAHU, HAWAII — Test results are out today revealing that truck drivers in Hawaii scored the absolute lowest in mandatory reading exams handed out by the state earlier this year.

“Out of all occupations tested, truck drivers accounted for sixty-six percent of all F grades” said Reed Daly of the Department of Adult Education, “Many of (truck drivers) had a very hard time with words like ‘the’, ‘I’ and ‘a’.”

“It was pretty hilarious because these are the very people that need to have sharp reading skills on the highways and freeways”, said head examiner Joe King, “being they would have to be able to read signs, warnings and more!”

Officials said they will be re-tested at a later date as soon as they can figure out a day where truck drivers will be the only people allowed on roads during test times.

King concluded by saying, “Safety is our primary concern on the day of their re-tests.”

Photo credit: James Abella Tio

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Coconut Fight Erupts In Westside Traffic; 2 Injured

NĀNĀKULI, OAHU, HAWAII — Road rage has taken an unusual tone on the west side Wednesday morning when an all out coconut fight took place during the morning commute.

Traffic was at a stand still in the town bound direction on Farrington Highway fronting Sack N Save when witnesses say a man in a white flatbed truck started lobbing unhusked coconuts at unsuspecting vehicles.

“I just saw this old dude get out of his truck, reach in the back and start launching coconuts at all the cars”, said Jansen Kahalewai, who was a few cars behind the irate driver. “Bruddah was losing it” he continued, “Another Bruddah hopped out of his car and started throwing the coconuts back at him, was kind of like they was playing dodgeball but only they were using coconuts instead of red rubber balls.”

Authorities say 2 people were injured during the melee and were treated at the scene.

Police arrested 44 year old Kona P. Soa of Mākaha on two counts of assault and criminal property damage.

Traffic in the area has been linked to temper tantrums, stress and beatdowns handed out by residents of the Wai’anae Coast for years.

Photo credit: Pablo Sato